Jokes supplied by Liz Kelley,

a very nice lady and special friend of the author

My dearest one,

here is a joke about a new priest:

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a little sip.

So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice. He proceeded to talk up a storm. After mass he found the following note on his door:   

                    1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

                    2. There are ten commandments not 12.

                    3. There are twelve decipels not 10.

                    4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

                    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

                    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

                    7. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and Spook.

                    8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

                    9. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said "Take this and eat it, for it is my body, he did not say "Eat me!"

                    10.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter and not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy.

Other than the above you did very good. MS.

Liz

"...click the picture...

..for more jokes, have fun now!"

01/09/09